Look on the bright side, folks: Wow, the fifth anniversary of the war. Sure, Iraq has been a disaster that will cost us multiple trillions, but why doesn't anybody ever try to find something positive in all the rubble? Maybe this war will convince people around the world that we're the really big, dumb bully on the playground you need to be friendly with: if some unknown kid in the crowd calls him a pinhead while his back his turned, he might be happy to pound in your face just because he doesn't like you.

You don't like that one? How about if we think of this war as really good practice for a future war that is actually important? Practice makes perfect, they say.

And everybody likes a parade, right? You can't have a good parade without some veterans, and you can't have veterans without some wars.

Am I getting nowhere here? Well, at least I tried--my mom taught me that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.